Lew Magram

I got one of these catalogs the other day, and quite frankly, I was insulted. Who are these Lew Magram people and why in the hell would they think I would wear this stuff? I wouldn't, unless I was a 55-year-old transvestite hooker on a fixed income. And probably not even then. It's one of those things that happens when you get out of your twenties. You begin to get catalogs that advertisers think are perfect for your demographic, and all of a sudden you're picturing yourself in these awful outfits my mother wouldn't even wear (and she's 60). I got a letter from AARP once. That's the American Association of Retired People or Persons. I'm only thirty-five, for christ's sake! What's next? Funeral plot pitches? Adult-diaper-by-the-case offers? Damn. Once you break 30, you're on the shit pile as far as advertisers are concerned. the road to death.Well, I may be half dead, but that doesn't mean I have to dress like it.

On the plus side, this stuff is cheap. And yes, I do mean inexpensive. The lovely flowered top is only $34.99!