For one, if anyone looks to their friends and the "underground" for confirmation, it is NOT me. I’ve always liked exactly what I like, regardless of trends or friends. You only have to look at the list of my 20 favorite CDs of 1999 to see that most of my favorite album are by total critical laughing stocks. Secondly, a band called The Hookers should not cast stones at those who seek a little sexy danger in their rock music. Third, by making this a personal attack, with his sexist/misogynist "pink haired old hag" comment, Stoney Baloney– whom I don’t really recall being all that much of a head-turner – reveals himself to be a mean-spirited woman-hater who has no idea how to "work the press" to the advantage of his lackluster, not-so-talented bar band. If he’d taken my review in stride, considered it as a challenge to step-up and perhaps win me over, or laughed it off with a sense of humor, grace and professional aplomb he so obviously lacks, maybe if I got The Hookers CD in the mail, I’d pop it in the player and discover they really rock. Of course, this will never happen now.
All that aside, and getting back to the "old hag" reference, Stoney should be down on his knees praying to god in heaven above to look even a fraction as fucking great as I look at my age, if he isn’t older than me already. The bottom line is this: If I had praised The Hookers’ music along the lines of "The Hookers kicked so much ass I couldn’t sit down for a week!" or dribbled flirtatious compliments all over him like "Stoney Tombs was just like the rain because he made me all wet!," this guy would have been all over my ass, thanking me for even mentioning his band, while complimenting my cutting edge writing style and – oh yeah – telling me how hot I look with the pink hair. Finally, with regard to the comment about me "trying to fuck guys in Whitesnake," this is such a pathetically lame attempt at flexing his misogynist muscle, I can’t even be bothered to comment. So thanks a lot, Stoney, for giving me a good laugh, writing half my column for me, and for being an embarrassment to your band and your record label. Fuck off.

Metal-Sludge.Com Loves The Worley Gig!
Metal Sludge (http://www.metal-sludge.com), a biting satiric parody of Metal Edge magazine, is one of the funniest, most comprehensive metal music websites on the Internet. If you’re not already familiar with Metal Sludge’s hilarious regular features like the Weekly 20 Questions Interviews, Sludge Scan, The Dick Chart, The Groupie Chart, Rock on the Decline, Hate Mail from/about Sebastian Bach, the Ho Bag, relentless Slaughter jokes and their various contests, you’d better check it out soon before you’re the last one whose not totally hip and in-the know! Since I am down with Metal Sludge, the guys recently reviewed my column and gave me a place in the prestigious Sludge Links. Check it out!

The Worley Gig

This is a column written by Gail Worley. She’s the one who reviewed us for Request Magazine, which can be found in all Sam Goody, Musiclands, and Media Plays. We got 95 out of 100!! That was the shit! So you know Gail has good taste and everything she says is 100% accurate! Go read her column because she talks about a lot of 80’s bands and recently did an interview with Rikki Rockett.
(And she doesn’t fuck guys in Whitesnake.)

So there you have it, an endorsement you can trust! Wild Love to the folks at Metal Sludge, and please continue to rock!

Here’s a Review of a New CD I Like a Lot
Samantha 7, Samantha 7 (Portrait/Columbia)
In the movie Velvet Goldmine, a rockstar’s manager confides to his client that "It doesn’t really matter so much what a man does with his life. What matters is the legend that grows up around him." In this way, the legend of Cecil "CC" DeVille, Poison’s notoriously misguided guitarist, has nearly taken on a life of its own. Between DeVille’s many bouts with rehab, not to mention (but you can see I am about to) his incessant quitting/being fired from Poison, only to return to the band and quit again, who would have imagined that DeVille was capable of producing a ridiculously great pop metal record on his own? I’m not fronting when I say that the debut release from Samantha 7, DeVille’s side project trio (with bassist, Krys Baratto and drummer, Francis Ruiz), features memorable hard rock songs that could easily go up against the very best of Poison’s catalog. Here’s another surprise; Deville–whose gravel-coated speaking voice is one of his trademarks–can actually carry a tune. "Framed" starts the disc off with a high voltage blast of crunchy guitars and the party just doesn’t stop through the disc’s eleven tracks. Lyrically, the songs work because DeVille sticks to what he knows. "Hanging on To Jayne" has some thoughtful, heart-felt lyrics about the pain associated with letting go of a relationship that, in reality, is already long gone and "I Wanna Be Famous" (with a four-note nod to Cheap Trick’s "He’s a Whore" in the intro) finds DeVille’s tongue pressed firmly in cheek as he sings "I wanna be famous/I want credit in my art," proving he has a sense of humor about all that’s gone down before. Other songs you’ll find yourself wanting to hear over and over include the sexy fun of "Slave Laura," the gorgeous (really!) ballad "Cover Girl" and "Bonnie Bradley," a clever take on the ages-old theme of being in love with someone who is out of your league. Samantha 7’s eponymous debut is a great summer record and one of my favorite albums of the year so far. Wonders truly never cease.

Rock Star Quote of the Month

"It’s hard to pander and make art at the same time."
– Singer/songwriter, Terry Clark (ok, so she’s country and not rock, it’s still a great quote!)

The Worley Gig: "I feel cold when it turns to gold for you."