Chapter 5
We had to watch. We had to act. Under the trees she nestled against me.

"I’ve never seen anything like this."

"Most people haven’t," I said. "That’s why it’s taboo. That why they come to this convention.

The people in Eden were acclimating to their situation quickly. They would soon be cast out and the rest of their week of communal pleasure would begin. The moonlight peaked through the trees and danced across Liz’s face. Her Mediterranean features made her almost sinister in the mixture of dark and light. I smiled at her. She kissed me. Slowly. The alarm system inside me went off. My pulse rose, but I managed to hold her supple form and enjoy the kiss. Her lips were like a perfectly aged European wine. Lively and fearless, she transferred her energy to me. I embraced her quickly and tightly after we stopped. She rubbed her cheek against mine.

"I’ve never done it outdoors before."

"And we won’t be doing it tonight."

"What’s wrong?"

"We have to talk about this first."

"Did I do som–"

"No, you didn’t do anything wrong."

"You’re not married are you?"

"No."

"Is it me?"

"No."

"Let me not sound stupid, but am I too fast?" she asked.

"No."

"I mean, I feel like I know you so–"

"No," I said. "It’s got nothing to do with that. I need to explain something to you–"

"You’re gay?"

"No."

"Okay," she said. "I knew that. You kiss too good to be gay."

"Gee."

"You’re a great kisser."

"Not compared to y–"

Her lips gripped mine again. I felt my body spiraling in a kaleidoscope of pleasure. Had it been so long? A year? My imagination traced the outline of her body in the shadow, drank in her scent, the skin of her waist was so smooth. Women were the best drugs, the most potent, the most desirable. If I cared about her I had to stop. Did I care? And in an instant I recognized that I was really fond of her, could easily love her for her body, her features, her sexual appeal. But what I had concentrated on most due to myself was her conversation and her interest in my work and my profession. Her thoughts and opinions had helped me decide to volunteer to read tomorrow. I had only part of a sketch written, but I was determined to finish it and be the first reader.

"I’m a big risk factor for this type of stuff," I said. How did one find the words? "I’m a statistic."

"We’re all statistics."

I looked at the ground. There was laughter from Eden. An orgy had started. I was limp.

I looked into her soft brown eyes. Her straight black hair reflected the moonlight revealing a healthy unimaginable shine.

"If I tell you this–" I said. "Please don’t run. You’re not in any danger."

"I think I read your article. I know what’s coming."

"You do?"

"Yes, but tell me."

After I told her what I thought was the worst, she nodded slowly, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Her left hand seemed to absently travel to her mouth and drag itself across her lips. I felt the hollow shell once again, the quiet acceptance I had experienced when I first heard the diagnosis. A slight nausea began growing, but I staved it off. I concentrated on the ground, for I could no longer look at her.

She squeezed my shoulder.

"Jake."

It was the sound of my name from the lips of a woman who had kissed me and it was beautiful. It was a context and a feeling I thought I would never see again. I had resigned myself to a hermetic lifestyle, my medical problem a secret. Only Adam and my boss knew. I had a cousin in Chicago who was a physician who knew and was helping me, but my parents had passed on and my sister had been in California for so long she was but a series of e-mail messages I answered occasionally. She had never come home after college, citing irreconcilable differences with our parents. Except for her and my cousin, there was really no extended family left save for my cousin Drew.

I touched her hands and she did not pull away. It was not like I expected. Even though I had written the article and knew the facts, I still expected to be treated like a leper. Her skin was even smoother, her touch understanding.

"So you’ve been lucky?"

"The Internet is a wonderful thing," I said. "As soon as I got the news I called my cousin in Chicago. He’s a doctor. Through the Internet my physician in New York transferred all the documentation concerning me to him. He e-mails me everyday and monitors me constantly. He’s visited twice throughout this year. He’s very busy. I go to Chicago every so often. I love the town. I love its blues clubs."

"Does Adam go with you?"

"Yeah," I said. "He’s been a real pal every step of the way."

I held nothing back. We were having coffee waiting for an early morning breakfast at an all night Diner. We were alone in an isolated corner booth.

"Did you know you had it when you were writing the articles on medical practices, life style changes and safe sex?"

"You even remember the topics."

"I had a friend who was gay and his partner was positive. Your articles allowed them new ways of being close."

"That’s what my editor wanted. I hope nothing went wrong with any readers…they’d probably sue though, right?" I wondered. "Anyway, that’s when I found out."

She nodded.

Our food arrived and we began eating.

"I have to ask–"

"How?"

"Yeah."

"Can I tell you that one tomorrow?"

"Sure."

I rubbed my eyes at my memory and imagination. I looked at Liz and then around the Diner. She could be in anyone of the empty booths. She was supposed to be in mine. Instead, she was in a coffin.

"I want to do that in private."