Well hot damn! The Hangover is back! I had given up on the old rag when my email was out for over a month. But much like a real hangover, you think you've gotten rid of it but when you wake up it's back. I didn't think anyone actually read this stuff but apparently I was wrong (which is no big deal, I'm used to it by now).

So this month Mike R. from Tulsa sent us an email inquiring about my column. I believe this is the same Mike R who sent us his cure for a hangover in last months edition (which I'm sure works o.k. for girls. However, if you're ready for a man's cure try a nice hot cup of gin with steamed milk and a raw clam, maybe a runny egg too. That'll fix you right up).

Anyways the subject heading of his email says "Where's that bum Darren" and the content of it says "We need him for his sardonic wit and general smartass-ness, every month. Tell that faggot to Sober up and write his column, pleeze.... Damn Yankee!"

Wow, can't you just feel the love? Thank's for the email Mike, but I will have you know I have been sober for hours now, and I don't appreciate the faggot comment. You know you eat pussy your whole life and nobody says shit. But suck one Armenian cock and everyone calls you an Armenian cocksucker.

And another thing, what the hell are you doing reading my column out there in Oklahoma !? Shouldn't you be out milkin' chickens or something. Hell I'm surprised the Internet makes it all the way out there. Let me ask you Mike, do you have your computer hooked up to your pickup trucks' battery or is there a power line going right to the outhouse?

There, now that I've got that off my chest let's see what pearls of wisdom I can dish out this month. Since the old mailbox was down for a while I didn't get shit this month as far as questions. I did however get one from someone who for the sake of anonymity we will refer to as "Carmen the girl who tends bar at Dempsey's pub Friday through Tuesday nights."

Carmen asked me "What's more manly than dumb?" When asked to clarify she refused and simply restated her question.

So Carmen, are you implying being manly makes one dumb or being dumb makes one manly? In either case I believe you are wrong. I'm sure we all know our share of broads who are the complete opposite of manly yet are as smart as a sack of doorknobs. I'm not saying men are not dumb. I'm saying everyone is fucking dumb. Just the fact that the Indy 500 exists is proof of that. Thousands of people watching a bunch of guys make a left turn for 500 miles is pretty freakin' stupid. Guys who play chicken with their cars aren't going to the Mensa meeting afterwards, however the winner supposedly gets the girl. How dumb is she to get in the car with a fucking retard like that? I hope I'm making my point clear. Men, women, whatever. People are just dumb. I don't know why.

Maybe dad's bath was too hot the day before he impregnated mom. Maybe she had a few too many Mai-Tai cocktails during the third trimester, who can tell? The result is still the same. However in man's defense I would like to leave you with the immortal words of the great Camille Paglia who said "Women would have been more than happy waving to each other across the Hudson, but it took a man to build the George Washington Bridge," or something like that.

– Darren