Ask Darren The Janitor

I have received some questions just right for this season of holidays and taxes, hope I can help you poor souls out.

Dear Darren The Janitor,
What is Easter?
– Sammi

Dear Sammi,
Easter is a day when we take the time to remember that even if you are the son of God, if you are working as a carpenter you have to join the union or they will crucify you.

Dear Darren The Janitor,
What is opium?
–Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused
It's alright.

Dear Darren The Janitor,
Have you got any tax tips?
–Broke

Dear Broke,
Well yes actually, I claim all the girls at Billy's Topless as dependents. But you can't use them; you'll have to find your own strippers.

Dear Darren The Janitor,
What is Passover?
–A Student of Life

Dear ASOL,
Passover is the time of year when Jewish people crucify scab carpenters.

Dear Darren The Janitor,
What was that noise?
–Alexis, the girl sitting behind you while you write that stupid column.

Dear Alexis,
Well, that was the happy sound of a beer opening.