March Newsletter
By Clay Allen
Grab Bag!
The Grab Bag concept originated in the Awapajo Indian Nation as a means of distributing
surplus booty. They would fill a buffalo scrotum with whatever extra goodies
they had procured in battle and pass it among the children. After the grab,
the children would stage an elaborate production, complete with music and an
intermission.
The March Newsletter borrows heavily from this grand Awapajo tradition. I encourage
you to "have at" the collection of swag I picked up in the great Poet
Wars of 1992. Should you be so inspired to mount a show-piece of your own, please
be sure to send a videotape. Happy hunting!
Five Proverbs and Their Definitions
Give the pauper but a paper sack, let him fill it well - If you give the needy a receptacle to put stuff in, they’ll be okay.
A dick times seven, not always heaven - Sometimes sexually liberal relationships or "Swinger Couples" are not always happy with the choice they’ve made; you’re more likely to catch VD if you have a lot of sex.
Once a Beach Boy, always a Beach Boy or Once Macauley Caulkin, always Macauley Caulkin - What you do when you’re young, good or bad, will follow you for the rest of your life.
Avoid shock by fucking goats - If you do something incredibly disgusting, you’ll be more prepared to deal with disgusting things in life.
Women’s football, a beacon of light - There is nothing uninspiring.
Three Jokes About Alcoholism
I don’t drink to excess; I drink to feel better about myself!
A drunk is a lot like the mighty lion. Okay, he’s not, but don’t tell him that!
How does a drunk know when he’s had too much to drink? Fug you, when he’s had too much to drink, he’ll let you kn... (sound of head hitting bar)...zzzzzzzzzzzz.
One Expression, Its Use and a Parenthetical Aside
Swoosh! [adj] "Free U2 tickets? Swoosh!" (Not to be
confused with "Swish" which is used like this: "U2 tickets? Swish,
baby!")