Last month, we dallied with the notion of wanting to become Richard Sandrak, a.k.a. Little Hercules. The feedback from this column was the most incredible is Newsletter history. Some highlights:

"...you've really captured the essence of what it's like to be a tiny body-builder trapped in a good-for-nothing's shell..." R.B., 39, Denver area

"Wow!" C.A., Chicago"...Allen's...themes...are [universal]..." The Chicago Tribune

"I was into Sandrak way before you, I hope you know." L.D., Minneapolis

What a way to finish a rough year! Reader response is all I have to live for, now that my collection of Special Edition has been sold off. To strangers. For cash. Cold, joyless dollar bills that don't do anything but sit there. Even framed, they just sit there and do nothing. They certainly don't inspire you. Not like Shaq's proud visage on his 1998 Sp.Ed. box. That silly little grin set a thousands of my ships to sea.

And what better way to kick off Oh Too than with Sandrak himself. Through the blessed anonymity of the internet, I was able to trick Sandrak into giving me a hilariously sincere list of his New Year’s resolutions. Here's our back and forth:

 

TO richard@richardsandrak.com
FROM totallygonnagetbigin0202@hotmail.com

Dear Richard
Hi! I am a fan! You are terrific! I like the way you're able to bend yourself over backwards so it looks like you're badly hurt! How do you do it?

You've inspired me! My New Years resolution is to order all your products and improve my physique. I want to quit school and have my parents home school me - just like you! But my dad works for Vienna Beef (gross!) and my mom is on a Women's Club board and has tennis twice a week. I'm in the ninth grade.

I set up a Sandrak-style training center in my basement. There's dumbbells, carpet scraps, posters of Sandrak (you), a pull-up bar and a small radio. I'm down there all the time.

But here's my question? What resolutions does a nine-year-old superhero bodybuilder make? How will you improve?
Signed, Sam Dracks

TO totallygonnagetbigin0202@hotmail.com
FROM richard@richardsandrak.com
Sam
Don't do homeschool if your parents don't want. The key is teaching, if they don't want to, you can't make them.

My Resolutions this year are five.

One) Develop my eight pack abs into ten pack abs. I will have to train very hard to do this, but I can do it. My eight pack abs people talk much about so ten pack abs I think will be really great.

Two) Work with kids in other country than mine (I am United States) to improv fitness programs in other country.

Three) Master Gyung Ghi. Gyung Ghi is ancient art of combat using more mind than body. It’s very difficult.

Four) Devote money from appearances to charities for kids.

Five) Learn to speak Arabic language.

Happy New Year Sam. I'm glad I imspire you to improve your health. Don't give up. Peace and love from God and Richard

SO, there you have it. Sandrak is going for ten-pack abs, an international fitness ambassadorship, mental combat, philanthropy and Arabic. He also signs his email "Peace and Love from God and Richard," which is a complicated notion, because it seems to imply God is there with Little Herc, pacing behind his ergonomic desk chair as he jots off email. With Sandrak, it's almost plausible. But if so, why didn't He help with spelling and grammar?

My Resolutions are three.

One) Stop worrying/writing about Richard Sandrak
Two) Build elaborate, wall-mounted play system for my cats
Three) Bring girlfriend and self to simultaneous anal orgasm

We all have our dreams.