Ask Darren the Janitor
Dear Darren,
Why is Yankee money all the one colour? You'd think in the home of 24hr capitalism
that they'd color code the money to avoid confusion in the dark?
Regards,
–Searc Dublin, Ireland
Dear Searc,
Well yes, it would seem to make sense to have our currency different colors
and sizes for different denominations, so I guess we are just stupid like that.
But we're not that stupid to adopt the Euro and link our currency to Italy's,
where one million Lira can buy you a pint of Guinness. Good thinking.
Dear Darren,
I've always had a policy to never date anyone at work. However there is this
new woman in the office who is just irresistible. I have to work with her every
day so I can't have sex with her. What should I do?
–Working Stiff
Dear Stiff,
Keep telling yourself that whole "not dating anyone in the office" bullshit
and you won't feel so bad when I tell you this. You can't have sex with her
because YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER! ha! ha! ha!
Dear Darren,
I am not urinating blood any more, that's good right?
– Relieved
Dear Relieved,
Um....yes.
Dear Darren,
There is nothing that can take the place of a real paper, so when are we going
to get some hard copy instead of just this internet crap?
–Paper Boy
Dear Paper Boy,
Good question. I know if we did have some hard copy I'd be a little more motivated
to get my shit in on time. But apparently Dixie is too busy eating turkey burgers
and pierogies at Veselka to put out an actual paper.
Darren’s Tip of the Month:
Always box your exactas.